Crazy dream

Last night was a pretty shitty night with brad. Shitty than usual. All we did was yell and scream at each other saying nothing good to one another. He pretty much said he didnt want me here, and what I’m going through is nothing. He said I needed to try harder n getting my job. Getting along with my parents, and all this other bullshit that I’m just not trying hard enough. I’m doing my best, and look at him he’s hasnt been putting forth any effort himself in getting a job. Wee all know thats going to bite him in the ass, but god forbid he listen to anyone but himself. Argh! Its enough to drive a person mad! He had some people over last night, he didnt tell me until I was on my way home from going out to eat with ryan at helens. Which is always fun, I miss him being around, but college is a must and I respect that completely.

Well I dont like the people he had over, and he knows that. So obviously I get cranky cuz whenever I go out for a lil bit he decides “they just happened to stop over”. I’m not stupid, have em over just tell me in advance so I know not to come home at all. I know it sounds harsh, but it true. He doesnt like my friends, so whats the point in meeting them? I wish everyone would just get along, but that never works. My friends were a problem in my last relashonship too, which blows. Cuz I know how its all going to end up. I respect his friends when they come over, but I dont exactly try to be around them. He always told me he was bad news and never did any good to him. And just last night he told me his cuz was already trying to fuck him over. Suprise suprise and yet he doesnt understand why I wont be around them? And men think women are difficult! ha thats a joke.

I didnt sleep at all last night, everytime I tried to go to sleep, brad would come in and try to say sorry and hold me. But I’m just sick of it, leave me alone. And then I got up again, and was just so pissed I went to my parents house for the night. Where I didnt sleep any better. I felt bad, but screw it, he told me he didnt want me here. I know tonight will be a bad night If I come home. But I like it  here and wanna stick with him, I still love him to death.

Now that I’m home, I cant leave because the lock on the door is stuck from whoever left last, real great! And the dog shit everywhere on the floor again.  Ugh the dog is on my shit list, last night it pissed on my chair and now this. Like really? WTF? Not in my book, I’d beat the shit out of it if it were my animal. And now we cant even take him outside, awesome. It’s going to be a great day.

But for my title as “Crazy Dream” I seriously never believe that your dreams mean anything until now. So last night brad took my pack of smokes from me cuz he was pissed I was like okay. Whatever I’m done, just give me the pack of smokes. Cuz shortly before he had one in his hand and gave me one. Well hes like I hid em. Dont try to find em. I was like okay, were playing childish games now? Awesome! So in my dream I was looking for the pack of smokes in the morning, so I went out on the porch and saw the pack next to the garbage bin. That was all that was to it. Well when I got home, and after falling back asleep, I went out to the porch just to check, normally not believing what dreams are telling me, I did it anyways. And what do you know, they are on they porch right next to the door. I couldnt believe it! I was shocked! So dont think I’m crazy, but I was impressed and a lil scared. lol Well I’ve written enough for now, time to face teh day and see if I get those flowers brad just said he was going to get me!

Toodles

Christmas is over..finally.

So this Christmas was probably the greatest one yet. I ended up going with Brads family to there uncles house for an Early Christmas Party on Wednesday night, which I drank way too much! Ugh. I kinda regret that, met some more of his family, I guess they don’t talk to that side very much. I can see why after that.. ha ha Then Christmas Eve, I was super hung over, and pissed at Brad, we had his cousin and his girlfriend over after the party to watch a movie and it didnt end too well. I think beer cans were thrown, tears were shed, and didn’t talk to him at all that night. So christmas eve morning we made up and just had a super lazy day. Then we went to his parents house for a nice dinner with ham, potatoes, green beans, and I’m not sure what else. But she forgot I cant have dairy products and put a ton of butter in the mashed potatoes, it didn’t take long for me to get sick. I couldn’t even finish my meal I had to go lay down at our place. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t eat her nice dinner, but I was so nauseous and dizzy. His mom felt bad that she forgot I couldn’t eat too much dairy food without getting sick. And I ended up being sick all christmas day too! It sucked.

I woke up at 7, to get ready to go to brads mom’s for an early morning breakfast and to open gifts. I was shocked at how many gifts the family gave me! I figured I’d get brad’s gifts and maybe one from his parents. Instead I opened like 1o or so presents from them. I got lots of picture frames, a couple new blankets, a zen garden with candles, lots of candles, a couple of sweatshirts and lots of perfume and girly stuff. I am so grateful that they were that nice to me. But I also felt bad because I had nothing to give them in return. Since I lost my job, I couldn’t afford gifts this year. It was a bummer. After we opened presents and I tried to eat again, I went to my parents house, my parents we to go pick up my aunt so she didn’t have to have christmas alone. Which I was glad to hear that, I was going to give her a call and talk to her for a while, since I know she doesn’t talk to too many people. When the family got back I got to open my gifts, nothing big this year, I didn’t ask for much. I got what I wanted, which was simple things I needed. What I liked the most was the cookbook my mom gave me. I want to learn how to cook more things, so it should help quite a bit! ha We had a nice dinner, I didn’t eat desert because I  wasn’t feeling good still so I started cleaning up for my mom. Figured I’d help out for once since I’m never home anymore other than to do laundry. This was probably the first time my mom and I got along so well! It was a nice change. The rest of the evening was spent with brads family at his Grandma’s house. Now that was fun. Everyone drank and had a good time. I was still sick so didn’t eat anything and only drank water. It sucked, cuz everyone kept trying to make me eat. I felt pretty awkward. Everyone started opening gifts, and of course I dont really know the family to well yet, but I was surprised I actually got quite a few more gifts there from the family members. I definitely think its a christmas I will always remember.

Tomorrow should be fun, me and brad are going out to my parents house so I can do laundry and were going to go and try to get some squirrels or rabbits for supper. Ha! How redneck is that? I’m shocked by this but I think it will be a fun time. We’re gunna go get some new fish for our fish tank too. It will be my treat, and I gotta get brad his christmas gifts tomorrow too. I know a few things to get him and hope he likes em. Well thats all for now, I wrote quite a bit.

Toodles.

Well its been a while.

So I haven’t wrote in my blog in a very long time its seems to be, I should work on that. Never seem to find the motivation to do that but here goes I’m just going to let it all out what has happened in the last few months since I’ve wrote.  I think my last post was in June. So its been a while

I’ ll start with june. I dont remember too much other than, my dads birthday, I think I was still dating  josh at the time. Wasnt doing much with myself other than working at Kwik Trip in Fox Lake. Living with my parents. Enjoying the simple life I guess you could say, started hanging out with matt, jamie and ryan agian. Just like the old days. They were so much fun! O what I would do to have that back again. I also remember the fireworks that month. They ended up getting cancelled after I drove em all down there. So we walked around for a while, enjoyed state street. Had Ice Cream, went through a few stores then I stubbed my toe. I didnt think it was bad just figured it was the usual thing, well no ah so much blood! At least the guy was nice enough to let us go in his bathroom in some art store to clean up and get it bandaged. Kudos to him and that store. No one prolly remembers this but I parked by my old house in madison. It brought back so many memories. I just wanna go back to living there. Its the first place I ever Lived on my own, soooo many memories there. And the people there, I hated em’ sometimes. But do I miss it.

Now onto July! What a great month! Well it started out with july 4th. For me it always brings back bad memories. Once I get past that I’m alright, I ended up working the early morning shift, and got to enjoy the whole day with the ex. I tried to sleep, but he ended up playing hte piano too loud and I couldn’t sleep, so I ended up super cranky. Then I worked on my birthday for ten friggin hours. Afterwards, Sam and josh came over. Well josh was dressed interestingly. And I was taken back by it, but wow I can still see it in my mind. Til this day. And later to find out he was going to propose to me but backed out three weeks earlier because of his college issues. Understanable.  And glad he didnt. But me and sam spent the night together, watching movies doing nothing. Just like the good ole’ days. It was nice. A few days later me and josh went to visit my parents at their campsite. It was a fun day. I still remember most of it, going fishing, walking around, and the trout farm. O and the 6 mile walk that I wasnt warned about at Parnell Tower. Ha Such good times.  On july 11th Ryan, Matt, Jamie and I went to Florida for a whole week! Now that was a fun week, going to Disney, seeing the sights, swimming everyday. Don’t get me wrong, we all faught for most of the trip. But thats a given. Some people aren’t meant to spend that much time together. As pissed as I was, I still enjoyed every minute of it. Our hosts who were Jamies Aunt and Uncle were so nice to us! We went and found the haunted tree, or something like that. Disney, got lost trying to find mcdonalds, got lost just trying to find wal-mart. Went out to eat and some nice places. And learned alot about my people who are now some of the greatest friends ever. After getting back I worked the next day. At 3am which sucked more than ever. Ugh I totally regret that. About a week after I got back from Florida, I started going fishing with Sherman and Melon.  We did if for a while, which was nice. Then there was this brad guy who kept texting me for a while. Asking for pictures of me and just annoying me I thought. I figured he was just another creep out there who wouldn’t leave me alone. And just wanted booty from me. Boy was I wrong.

Near the end of July I finally worked up the guts to go and meet this mystery brad guy. I always wondered why he would never go out fishing with sherman. They always said he was drunk and had no job, I never knew what they meant til the first time I went over there. Now I met sherman at McDonalds, and followed him to brads place. When I first went there melon was there which was no big deal, I was cool with him. Now Cody was there too on the couch. I though O Boy, I shouldn’t be here. Me and him have a bad history. Too say the least. But its alright. We ended up playing poker and joking around, I wasn’t as shy as I thought it would be, but always looked at brad like wow he’s cute. But nothing else. He looked like a drunk lazy man to me. Hes 24 and I’m 19. A little bit of an age difference. But whatever, and he was too out there for me. He was crazy didn’t care what people thought of him. I liked that part of him. Shortly after meeting I spent the night at his place, we slept on a mattress, with no blankets or sheets. It was gross! I snuck out at like 7 that morning, too embaressed to actually talk to him. Because I thought he was just a lazy nasty pig. Boy was I wrong about that, so we still texted each other and started hanging out more and more. It was fun. But ya over the next month. I started to really like him. Staying over more and starting to get used to him. But his friends starting to come over less and less and I still think it was me that made them stop coming over.  They put shit on my car, saran wrapped it and some other nasty stuff. But I stuck around. And I’m glad.

We started dating now. But now onto august. Moved to Madison at the end of the month. And from there just went down hill. Not to be speaked of. To end this short, cuz I’m getting sleepy, and need to get back to this stupid party. lol I’ll say more to this tomorrow maybe.

Toodles for now.

Summer 09

So havent posted in a while. And people are buggin me about it.

So I’m home for the summer. And for good. I’ve decided that. Finally realizing this is where I wanna be. And its here.

So I really hope we can go to florida next month! I’m freaking pumped! Me, Matt, Jamie and Ryan! Ah! So pumped. Really hope we can do it! Ah. I cant stress that enough.  Ah I have nothing else to say!

Toodles

OH no

So I’m starting to get nervous about moving back home for the summer. Even though I can escape to Madison whenever I want to. I’m still nervous as heck. Just worried my parents are gunna be butts and try to control me like I’m still in school and a little girl again. Which I’m not. They seem alright with it at the moment, after this weekend and all.

I’m gunna head home on Friday morning, I’ll use Thursday as a day to myself. I don’t really get a vacation in between moving… I start work again Friday night. But I’m really excited to see all the people again and what not! I miss all my co-workers and the costumers! Tomorrow will be my Two Year anniversary for working at kwik trip. How exciting right? ha ha Just kidding. Tomorrow is also my last day of working in Verona for the time being. Sorta exciting, kinda not though. I work with the most annoying kid that has ever been hired at KT. Ugh. Hopefully we can get our stuff done so I dont have to stay til 10.

Well thats all for now. I’m sleepy, and time forr more stumbling…

Toodles…

Almost time

So I havent blogged in a long time. I’m sitting at joshes, while hes doing homework, and I’m on jeffs nice macbook. So jealous, I would love to have one!

Since my last blog quite a bit has happened. Ok not really. Work has been pretty routine, can’t complain, but I love the people I work with and will miss them this summer when I go home. I have only four more nights down here working! Thats crazy! Time is flying.  Everyone back home is excited to have me working there again. They were all joking around yesterday when I came for a visit after my dentist app. that by the end of this summer…They will have convinced me to stay for good. I’m scared. Cuz it really wont be that hard to convince me to stay behind. But I think for my own good I need another year away from home. I still have a lot to learn about life. N being home with my parents isn’t the right thing right now.

Tonight I went for a walk around the capital to take some pics and walked down to Monona Terrace. I love that place. Its soo pretty, and never gets old. Nor does walking around the capitol. I LOVE MADISON. I don’t wanna leave for the summer just cuz its so much fun, the big city life.

So every night. And I mean everynight its not raining me and josh go for a walk. Usually gone for about an hour or so. Its become our thing. I love it. You see so many random things.. We’ve seen a duck twice. In the middle of the street. Its a really stupid duck. We’ve named it bob. Just little stupid things like that, have made me happier. The random homeless people you see, like this one guy. He came and asked us if we had anything, were like no. Went on our way out to eat. When we came out, he came to us again and was like “you guys have anything now that you didnt have before?” We’re like “ughh no?” ha. Strange. I also like to window shop at night. I bought two dresses I’ve seen in the windows today. They are super cute! Cant wait to wear em soon! And I’m not a dress person at all. I also think that we talk a lot more on the walks, and have learned a lot more about the other person, its a nice bonding thing we’ve got going on.

My dad is coming down on saturday to help me move some of my stuff back up to madison. I’m pretty excited. This will be the first time my dad or any family member has seen my house since I’ve moved, it will be interesting at the least. I know he doesn’t like where I live, its not the safest place in madison. But I haven’t been in danger. So whats the deal.

But thats all for now I think. Life is swell otherwise no complaints. Other than the norm. Only 7 days and I’m home for the summer. Kinda, Madison will be my summer and weekend home. I will be down here whenever I’m not up there.

Toodles for now!

Easter Sunday

I spent this Easter weekend with my family and friends back home.  It was suprisingly nice.  Brought josh back to his place early Saturday morning.  We ended up having an Easter Egg hunt at joshes place. That was pretty lame lol But it was cute, sorta corny though in a little kid way. But theres still a kid in me somewhere.  Then to get the big gift, I had to give joshes grandma a hug and say Happy Easter to her. It was qutie a hoot. Then went home for a bike ride, hung out with Ryan and Jamie, saw a few other friends in Waupun, then went back to joshes for Supper.  I also spent a lot of time up at my old Kwik Trip store in Fox Lake… I miss that store soo much!

That was the normal awkward family dinner with the boyfriends rents. Ugh. Josh played the Piano a little bit after supper while me, his mom and grandma looked at old photos of his grandma and relatives from the 1920s. Its amazing how life was soooo different back then. So simple, yet they were happy and look how we live! Sometimes our  lives were still like that. It was all so beautiful!

Then went to church with the family, saw a lot of people I used to talk to there. The church has changed quite a bit. It was also interesting. Then spent the night at joshes last night.  I felt like crapola. So josh let me sleep in his bed, and he slept on the couch. But he ended up talking to me downstairs for like an hour or so.  But it kinda scared me a little bit. Made me wonder where we will be in a couple of months from now…to a year from now. I dont know what to do anymore.  Our relashonship is strong. We have no problems, its perfect right now.  It couldnt be any better. But we couldnt have met each other at a worse time in our lives. Hes trying to make it in college, and I dont even know where I want to go in life anymore. After getting kicked out, I moved to Madison to be closer to him. But I’m finding this isnt where I belong anymore.

I’ll be coming home this summer to live with my rents, they actually said I could come live at home again. I’m also  going to be working in the Fox Lake Kwik Trip. I’m soo excited! I’ll be starting up here again, either may 18th or the 25th. I have never been so excited to work! ha ha But josh thinks this isnt what I really want. But then again… I dont even know what I want. There is another boy. Who I love to death, but hes just my best friend and will always be that way. But sometimes I wish I would have dated someone more like him. I wouldnt be where I am today. I’d probably be a completly different person.

But I truly love the boy I’m with. But I dont know if staying with him will be the best thing anymore. He doesnt know if he will be living up here this summer, or living at home with his rents. While I’ll be at home in Burnett for sure. So if that is the case and hes down here. I wonder if a break wouldnt be such a bad idea for the summer. Just use the time to find ourselves. Figure out if we can make it through all this crap we’ve been going through lately. Hes terrible with his communication skills lately.  And well so am I. But he doesnt tell me how he feels til last minute and it makes me nervous! Ugh, wish life was simple again.

So I slept worth crap last night. Couldnt stop thinking about what he said all day today too. This morning I had to go get my aunt and bring her to my place for lunch with my rents. She has been struggling my parents said and her health has been declining. But she tryed to act so strong in front of me. She did well putting on the show. But I’m here to help her. I wish she knew that. I also joke about her being crazy. But really she is a person whos done alot in her life. And I miss her a lot.

Thats all for now, I wrote for much too long. And ryan is waiting for my phone call right now. And the guys are talking really loud in the room. Its quite annoying. lol

Toodles for now.

Exhausted.

I haven’t wrote in here in ages! But now I’m really bored and dont feel like doing all the things I told myself I would do before I go to bed tonight. Tonight is also one of the first nights I haven’t spent with josh in over a week now! Its crazy! In a way, I’m very glad though. I think I need to spend a little bit of time by myself and with my kitties. I kinda miss em.

I’m not really sure what to write in here. I hope I get my phone back soon, I’m really sick of the loaner phone they gave me.. Its a piece of well…you know what haha. Tomorrow is April Fools day! O no! Hope no one is too mean to me tomorrow. I’ll fall for anything usually. But my guard is up! I get to work til close tomorrow. But it shouldnt be too bad. Havent closed in almost a week now. Strange, and the last time I did close, I ended up doing terrible on my secret shop.. So I’m sorta dreading work tomorrow. Cuz my boss will be back from vacation and probably have to write me up for a warning. O geese.

I think it time to watch some weeds, (which I’m really addicted to right now!) and get ready for bed. Since I do want to accomplish something tomorrow before work!

Sweet Dreams.

Alarm clocks..

So I’m attempting to write in here more right? Well I’m kinda sucking at it. I’m supposed to be writing me speech for Forensics, about Tasers, It only has to be a rough draft, but still I’m too much of a perfectionist and I can’t seem to be happy with any of it right now.  Well I have been in the library since 11:30 a.m. Its now almost 3:00pm… AHH! My tummy is rumbling so I think I’m gunna head down to state street after this for some subway. Mmmm haven’t had that in a long time now.

Well, school sucks. As usual but can’t complain because this sememster is so easy. Work is thrilling.. Actually not really, its really dull. But I’m starting to get the hang of the new store, feeling a little more at home every time I work.

I was pretty down this weekend, considering I have nothing to do here, no friends, family or money. I couldnt do anything. Josh was always busy so never saw him. I got pretty worked up over that, still am a little bit. But I felt alot better last night for no reason. When he text me at 11pm asking if I wanted to come over, I was pretty excited. Since I didnt think I would see him til tonight. So we both did our homework for a while, then went to bed. Even though it wasnt much, it was better than nothing.

So when I got home today, after I showered and ate, I was walking to my room and I realized I heard an alarm clock going off. Well it was Ben’s alarm clock going off. But his door is locked and hes gone, so all day long, that alarm clock will be going off. AH! Annoying, but glad I work for 4 hours tonight so I wont have to deal with it much.  And since I’m rambling about alarm clocks, joshes roommate Jeff sets his alarm clock for 7am ish. He has the most annoying alarm clock in history, yet he never gets up. So why the hell set an alarm clock if all your gunna do is snooze for the next four hours through it? WTF? Grrr annoying as hell. I wanted to punch him soo hard. Or unplug his alarm clock, like I did last time he did that shit.

Well must be off, been here way to long, and I gotta work soon. O JOY.

Toodles

So I haven’t wrote in my blog in quite a while. Not sure why either. I have no life or friends down here, so I should have all the time in the world to ramble on here. I think I’ll make in a goal, to write at least once a week!

School has begun, and its a very easy sememster for me. Which is nice in a way, but then again. I hate school and every day I wonder if I actually graduate. I’m starting to lean towards NOT graduating. And I’m not sure why. But I’m in Forensics again! This year I’m doing a speech on Tasers. O joy, not really thrilled about it, my coach gave me the topic to talk about so I’ll go with it. Forensics is basically all I have down here, its something I’ve loved doing. And probably will as long as I can do it. Walking to class is quite exciting. Considering I’ve never been able to walk anywhere in my life before. The closest gas station was ten miles away when I lived in burnett. Now..its like two blocks away! I even got to walk to Nogginz. Where I got my hair cut the other day!

Work is interesting, boring as hell though. But it pays the bills. The people are nice. But I miss my old store A LOT!

Pretty sure, I’ve never been more miserable in my life. I liked living down here for the first few weeks, now I’m just plain lonely, and cranky. The boy has just set me on fire and really irritated me lately. I cant really pinpoint what the problem is. But its there. Ryan has been helping me a little bit with my “boy problems” I guess you can call it. Just wish I lived closer to ryan, I miss that kid quite a bit. Just wish I could let it all go, go on with life.

Living on my own has changed my perspective on quite a few things. Like paying bills, working and going to school. Thats alot to organize and keep track of.  Then taking care of myself, and cedar my kitty. Who I treat like a little prince. He’s basically all I have down here. So ya, pretty sure I love my kitty…a little too much. But whatever. Even if he does lick the table for no reason, hes special in my heart.. ha ha

I get my phone back tomorrow, I’m really excited about that. Stupid razor’s suck. Lets hope I dont break my phone again. Even though I’m not really sure what happened to it this last time.

Thats all for now. I figured josh would be here by now. But as usual I wont be seeing him once again. He never fails. I’m off to bed. I have the weekend off, and nothing to do…:)

Toodles…